Today's quote:


"Sleep. The death of each day, but a doorway to the map of humanity." - unknown



I'm helping my program director/professor/internship supervisor write a new textbook. It's about the function of Catholic colleges and universities. As we were discussing some things today during our meeting we checked in on the Cardinal Newman Society. If you're not familiar, it's a set of like minded individuals in the Cahtolic faith. You may also refer to them as the watch dogs of Catholocism in education, very conservative. Anyhoo, I came across this piece and thought, wow. That's something. Particularly look at numbers 5,7, and 8. I am in NO WAY saying all Catholics believe this for surely there are many that take a different approach. I'm just curious of other's opinions. If you have any. Ciao.

Embrace the chaos for when you least expect it, peace will be put upon you.

In Chaos I see: The Clint Boon Experience.

I've been reading the book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

1.Be impeccable with your word
2.Don't make assumptions
3.Always do your best
4.Don't take anything personally


The first 3 items are words which I have truly tried to live by. It took time to become enlightened by these prospects. The time to make mistakes, time to grieve, time to push through them, and time to adjust. That last of the 4 is something I've always had a hard time with.

1.I often tell people, "Say what you mean and mean what you say". I don't like double talk, backstabbing, double standards and the like. I don't know many people that do like it. Some are more prone to it than others. None of us are immune entirely, but I certainly put the conscious effort into my words.

2.I learned not to make assumptions after many disappointments. Countless times I had been let down by others before I realized it is not just that they are flakes, but I made an assumption about them. 1 plus 1 equals 2, but not always. A hard lesson to learn and one we all have to confront throughout our lives. I suspect it played a role in my independence at an early age.

3.I used to be quite the perfectionist. I do try my best. Sometimes I tried too hard. If it wasn't just right, it was worthless to me. I've certainly eased up on the intensity of perfection. Nothing is perfect. School, it doesn't mean all that much in the long run. Great papers, they don't add up to much but a great paper that got you a grade. What you learn experientially carries far greater weight. Perhaps my art work still retains some level of perfectionism, but only to me.

4.Don't take it personally. Oh how I struggle, as I'm sure many do, with this thought. Are people susceptible to taking things more personal if they are deeply passionate, deeply committed to the things they do? If they place greater value on friendships does it not stand to reason they would be more affected by things done or said to them? It is a character trait that should always be looked down upon as a great flaw? Does this not generate the sort of genuine love we look for from others? Finding that balance between maintaining the self and not getting hurt is not as simple as "don't take it personal". It is a daily struggle for me. I have made progress in this area for sure. I think practicing yoga and meditation helped me with this. Letting many things roll off my back that had once bothered me was a fantastic improvement. I think a portion of the struggle is not related to my passion but the fear that I may then become hard to the world I love. I don't want to build a wall.

I will continue to learn and grow. Hurting is the less glamorous part of the process. I have learned that people I loved do not love me in return. I have learned that those I held in close regard did not have the same understanding with me. I have learned friends come and go even at the most critical time when we need them most. I have learned I will be replaced by others that are deemed more interesting to be with. I have learned that friendship is a two seat bike meant to be shared and to let go of those who don't put in equal effort. Most of all, I have learned what it is to be me and I love it. I love my light and dark side. I love showing passion toward others. If it is not returned, I must stay strong and continue to be me, the best me I can be, and not take it personally.

I'm starting to feel a little bit like me again. I want to be back so badly and it's such a daily struggle, but I've been working hard at it. Something (e:Terry) said to me at the housewarming party really stuck with me. He said I was simply too hard on myself and don't give myself enough credit. It's true. I know I don't. That's part of what depression is. It's hard to focus on the good when all you see is the bad. It's hard to focus period.

I went with (e:Libertad) to another one of his Soka Gakkai meetings. It was so refreshing to be in a room full of people who were absolutely glowing inside. Yes, we all have problems in varying degrees. No one is immune to reality. But how we cope with life can in fact control us. I really tried to take the time, while they were chanting, to do a meditation. For the first time in a loooooong time, I felt a bit of peace in my heart and in my mind. Yes, I have a pile of troubles on my shoulders. Serious troubles that impact my life daily. But even if for that moment, I was free. I could breath, I wanted to smile and jump and clap my hands and do cartwheels.

The best part is, I didn't need a single drink or drug to feel that way. That is how I know a little piece of me came back. That is who I was all along. I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise, anymore. I'm not going to tell myself otherwise anymore. I am going to continue on my quest for peace and to bring vitality into my life once again.